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Monday, May 31, 2010

4/1/10 "The Postpartum Chronicles: Days 13-14"

Days 13-14
On day 13, Morrison slept from 12:30 - 4:30am. It was like a dream! I didn’t have to wake anybody up to take a shift and I felt like a “real” mom. Even after 14 days now, it still feels pretty surreal. It’s like she’s been here for a long time, but like she hasn’t been here that long. Fast and slow at the same time. However, that could be the reduced sleep talking. lol She’s doing really well. She fusses a lot because of gas and pooping. She DID poop 4x yesterday which is the most she’d ever pooped in a day (and the minimum amount she should be going. I read that some babies poop after every feeding. Morrison’s not that lucky. She works really hard for hers and gets uncomfortable quite often). We try to sleep her on her sides during the day (when people are watching - babies should sleep on their back until they’re out of the SIDS window) to keep her head from getting flat. She’s losing some hair, but she’s still got the bulk of it (which made the doctor happy - he loves her hair). And when we question whether or not she’s still breathing (like when she’s sleeping really peacefully) we just grab her hand and pull it. She pulls it back and that’s how we know she’s okay. lol. We check breathing a lot around here. (I told you I’m a SIDS freak, right? - blankets are only okay on the feet at night because she can’t get her feet to her head yet. She can have blankets during the day when people are around. She’s got the positioner to keep her on her back at night, and no one is allowed to fall asleep while holding her. Any picture you see where someone’s eyes might look closed while she’s on their chest is just their eye angle to the tv. I’m the only one who’s fallen asleep while holding her and i woke up terrified once I realized what I’d done. I was desperate on night #2 to get her to sleep, but that’s no excuse. Luckily, we lived through that one. Sounds dramatic, i know. It is. I am. lol)

As for me, I’ve still got that extra hole from the stitches. I googled it and it can take 2-3 weeks for a second degree tear to heal. Apparently, 1st degree is just skin and second degree is muscle too. Yowza. So, i’m going to wait until week 3 and give the thing some more time to heal before I call the OB/GYN to have another look-see. My hands are still dry as all get out. Trying to put on my smoking jacket (yes, we have jackets for smoking that are removed upon return inside - we’re very aware of 3rd-hand smoke) is like trying to maneuver sandpaper through a felt tunnel. It’ll be neat when that’s gone, although it’s much more unsightly than uncomfortable. I wash my hands a lot and we’ve got sanitizer coming out of our ears. Even the aquaphor that Tia left for me can’t compete with this level of hand washing. I weigh 138.2, which means I’ve lost 20 lbs. That can mean that the additional 22 I gained is mine to lose. oof! Luckily, I earned money from labor ($11 per hour!) and Jim’s work gave us a gift card which allows me to get the reeboks and wii fit :) Now, I just have to FIND the reeboks and the wii fit. lol

Breastfeeding (or bottle feeding breastmilk) is on a drop. I forgot to take the fenugreek yesterday and was only able to get 2oz total during the last pumping. A day after starting the fenugreek, i was able to get 4oz out of each side. That frustrated me last night, and then she was fussing because she was uncomfortable so we had to have an intervention and get mom up. If you ever find yourself telling a baby to stop crying, you should walk away. We’ll have to make That Molly a sign that says “Thanks for keeping my mom from shaking me! :)” In all seriousness, though, sometimes it’s REALLY frustrating. Especially at night. During the day, everything seems do-able. (Well, except yesterday when I had to wake That Molly up from her nap so that I could nap. Caffeine crash?)

And remember during pregnancy when i talked about pregnancy paranoia and how it’d probably turn into postpartum paranoia? it does. Practicing getting rid of it during pregnancy (changing my thoughts/stopping them, i mean) helped prepare for now. Like if I’m holding her, i can see me dropping her. But not just dropping her, her hitting her head on the corner of the table on the way down. Or spilling coffee on her. Or lola eating her face. All sorts of things. Very morbid things. And I don’t think these are abnormal. It’s like when you drive over a bridge and although you’d never actually drive off (or at least I wouldn’t) you still know that all you have to do is pull the wheel really quickly. That’s the problem with being a creative person in the first place. Imagination is not always a great thing. Heck, it’s why i’m afraid of outside at night and how i can still spook myself into thinking someone’s after me and I have to get into the door as fast as possible. Anywho, the paranoia is the same reason I don’t like handguns. There’s a risk. Move your wrist and you can shoot yourself in the face. There’s too much risk in parenting too. It’ll either get better or it won’t. Either way, it’s not too terrible of a deal yet.

And she made me cry again. This is the 4th time. It was about the reduced milk production. Mom says I have a picture in my head of how I wanted things to go. I’m rational enough to know that there’s not a thing in the world wrong with formula feeding a baby. However, I did want to be a breastfeeder. I know that NOT breastfeeding does not make me less of a mom. But it hurt my feelings regardless and I cried about it. Not bad if you look at the cry/time ratio. 4x in two weeks postpartum? I cried more times during Titanic.

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