Talk about scary. So at midnight, she starts getting fussy and I hold her because she looks so uncomfortable. She sounds all congested in her throat when she breathes through her mouth. I suck her nose out (successfully!) but her breathing still sounds labored. One thing I can’t do is clear her throat for her. I would if i could. I’d suck out ever orifice that little angel has if I could get that green bulb in there. I really would. Anyway, so she’s fussing and wiggling and seemed uncomfortable. She hadn’t pooped yet and would only take 1 oz at 9:15pm and again at 10:15pm. At 12:10, she did what can only be described as throwing up. Not spitting up. Spitting up is benign. I remember thinking right before it happened that it’d be really convenient for her if she could gag and throw up. Little did I know that she can. And so she started gagging and I leaned her over with her head over my stomach and out came what I assume is formula, but it was pretty well stuck together. Like a huge snot ball. It had the slimy consistency of snot. I’d never seen a baby gag before. I didn’t even think they could. I didn’t know they could throw up either. I thought it was just spitup until they’re 1. I’m not sure where I got these ideas. They’re wrong, you see. Anywho, she kept gagging, and I, in my extreme panic, started taking her clothes off immediately. She felt warm and I was definitely warm (i tend to assume if i’m cold, she’s cold, and vice versa). So there we were freaking out with her in her little t-shirt and jeans and she’s kind of crying - like purposeful? crying (not food crying) and I woke up Babe. (I’m gonna call him babe from here on out. That’s what I call him at home. I’ve been typing Jim so you’d know who i meant, but it feels weird talking about this “jim” character). So even though babe had to go to work this morning, I woke him up because I was scared. She is so tiny and when she’s close to naked she looks even more vulnerable than ever. Plus, I didn’t like that she seemed so un-babylike when she was throwing up. Maybe my panic removed me from the situation a little, but she seemed not real when she was doing that.
She had what we decided was labored breathing and I asked him if I should go wake up mom because she’d never heard it before. (By the way: The first night shift (from 11-4) is the absolute worst. If you get a shift choice, don’t chose that one. Then again, i suppose i’m spoiled in that I can even call them shifts...)
He told me not to wake mom up because she’ll be helping me at night until Mo gets the hang of sleeping better now that he’ll be officially back to work. So we watched her. And watched her. I smoked. And would have cried because it was THAT scary and I was still scared. Less scared than when I was alone, but still scared. I didn’t cry because the neighbor’s boyfriend happened to be on their porch. He talks a lot and wanted to strike up a conversation porch to porch in the middle of the night. Not the time, my friend.
So we gave her another bottle (at 12:20am) and she had almost 3 oz and stayed awake until 1:40am - give or take time for the feeding/burping. And then was back up at 2:45 where she had a little less than 2 oz. She was awake again until 4am. That’s when I woke up Jim because I couldn’t not sleep any longer. Apparently around 3-4am I hit a wall. Not a wall that has you nodding out during feedings. That comes before then. This is the, I can’t do it for our own safety - wall.
But while she was in her playpen, i turned on the vibrations and trying to get as much comfort in through her pacifier as I could. I was working on weening OUT the vibrations, but last night was a bad night to try it. She’s currently in her vibrating bouncer IN the playpen as we speak (I don’t trust Lola to not eat Mo’s face yet). We might just be sleeping in that bouncer until she’s 18.
In all honesty, I was praying a lot last night, and I was apologizing for complaining about not sleeping. I’ll take a messed up sleep schedule for a healthy baby. It’s a totally fair trade.
So I’m making a list of things to ask the doctor tomorrow:
Get the go ahead on fenugreek and peppermint sticks.
Her little fingernails - the sides that have that skin that comes up? Not cuticle skin, but that sticky out-y piece? a few of them look like the skin might have grown over or they might be infected. So I’m gonna ask him what I should do for that, what’s going on there.
Labored breathing - incline sleeping - formula choice - spitting up - fussiness - swallowing- bottle change