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Monday, May 31, 2010

2/24/10 - "The Pros and Cons of Pregnancy"


Pros:
save money on tampons
save money on birth control
you get a baby
good hair
great boobs
eating a lot
people do stuff for you
baby stuff is so cute
being pet
leverage
feeling the baby move
you get to have a party
grosses jim out
people think your fat is cute
you can nap whenever you want
sonograms
funny shirts
constant excuse
backrubs!
you have a built in shelf to set stuff on
sense of purpose

Cons:
sense of "oh shit"
numbness
sciatic nerve pain
back pain
restless legs
leg cramps
acne
dry skin
dry scalp
emotional mess (i.e. crying a lot)
can't drink alcohol
guilt
headaches
can't fall asleep
can't stay asleep
can't roller skate or do anything that requires balance or walk correctly
lack of privacy
none of your clothes fit
awkward intimacy
self esteem issues
leaking
constipation
diarrhea
peeing a lot
forgetfulness
can't sleep on your back
can't take medicine
swelling
blotchy skin
stretch marks
getting punched/pushed/squeezed from the inside
contractions/pressure
can't get comfortable in any position
stuffy nose
nose bleeds
dizziness
cellulite
veiny, thin skin
fatigue
shortness of breath
expensive
instant, intense hunger
instant, intense thirst
gas
inability to spell
inability to use words correctly
the pregnancy "mad"
hot flashes
have to "roll" or get pushed to get up
you have to weigh the pros/cons of bending over or squatting down
cute shoes are now classified as "dangerous"
you're slow
hemorrhoids
feeling like a host to a parasite

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