Week 25: I plucked a chin hair. Jim’s the one who noticed it. I know I used to be a lady…I’ve also found two skin tags in my armpit. There really isn’t anything sexier than pregnancy. Move over, Victoria’s Secret. Fml.
Week 26: Ode to the fetus via caroling
On the first day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: tears and some giant boobies
On the second day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: some heartburn and tears with those giant boobies
On the third day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the forth day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: Can’t stomach that, doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the fifth day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: A HAPPY TRAIL! Can’t stomach that, doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the sixth day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: None of my clothes fit, A HAPPY TRAIL! Oops I forgot, doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the seventh day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: The boy’s name will be JAC, none of my clothes fit, A HAPPY TRAIL! Can’t stomach that, doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the eighth day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: I’m effing starving, the boy’s name will be JAC, none of my clothes fit, A HAPPY TRAIL! Can’t stomach that, doctors appointments, Oops I forgot, and tears with those giant boobies
On the ninth day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: Still haven’t pooped yet, I’m effing starving, the boy’s name will be JAC, none of my clothes fit, A HAPPY TRAIL! Can’t stomach that, doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the tenth day of Christmas my fetus brought to me: Kicks to my bladder, still haven’t pooped yet, I’m effing starving, Oops I’ve forgotten, none of my clothes fit, A HAPPY TRAIL! Can’t stomach that, doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my fetus brought to me: It is a girl now, kicks to my bladder, still haven’t pooped yet, I’m effing starving, the boy’s name will be JAC, none of my clothes fit, I DO NOT KNOW! Can’t stomach that, doctor’s appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my fetus brought to me: Why can’t I sleep? It is a girl now, I don’t remember, still haven’t pooped yet, I’m effing starving, the boy’s name will be JAC, none of my clothes fit, A HAPPY TRAIL! Can’t stomach that, doctors appointments, some heartburn, and tears with those giant boobies
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