4/18/10 - The Postpartum Chronicles: Days 20-21

Day 20 (4/7/10)

She fussed most of the night. We’re still in her room and only had to come out for the playpen vibrations once :) When I called the pediatrician’s this morning they said to nix the flax oil and add the karo syrup. Same amount - 1tsp per 4oz 1x daily - or 1/2tsp for a two ounce bottle. She said it could take a couple days to work. (And she said to 86 the flax because she isn’t sure if both will give her diarrhea). She fussed most of the day, BUT she sure is a sweet angel.

I took my car in to the vw dealership last night. I have an appointment at 10am tomorrow and it’s much easier to drop it off than to have anybody ready to do anything by 10am. Honestly. The other day I got her dressed up to go outside and we lost a sock before we even left her room. That’s the day where she just looked unimpressed with the weather and the wind. Then she threw up. lol I don’t like the wind either, mo.

Day 21 (4/8/10)

Mom took first shift last night! I went to bed at 9:30 and woke up at 4:30am. Babe’s gotta go to stafford to work today so I got to sleep upstairs with him in the air conditioning! I looked the notebook when I came downstairs. Looks like she at at midnight and then again at 2:30am, but not since. She’s all woombied up and makes a very peaceful caterpillar. Hopefully, mom got some sleep. I’ll check in with her when she wakes up :)

Last night was my first try at sleeping without a bra on. I’ve been wearing pads to soak up everything since she came out. (Speaking of, we’ve (there goes the collective “we” again..) decreased from super to regular!) I thought that since I stopped breastfeeding that everything would have dried up by now. Originally, when I’d go to change the breast pads (yep, you have to wear those too) they’d be heavy and squishy from having done their job. In the last few days they’d look the same as they did when I put them in so... I thought, what the hay. They’re probably done!

Nope.

When you’re wearing a shirt with military rifles all over it, breastmilk doesn’t really make it look cool. Nothing says kickass LESS than a gun covered in mother’s milk.

...OR does nothing say kickass MORE? Move over, GI Jane.

Speaking of kickass, Morrison’s been alive for 3 weeks. Go team!
Lets recap her life shall we:
Can sleep in her room (of course we sleep in there too. lol)
Graduated from breastmilk to formula (If i say graduated it sounds more like an achievement and less like i quit)
Has slept for 4.5 hours in a row before
Has stayed fully awake for 3 hours before
Smiled on purpose for daddy
Not smiled on purpose for anything that molly or momma does
Poops between 1-2x per day with assistance
Has an innie
Still has hair
Outgrew two newborn outfits
Made her momma cry 5x
Survived 2 rookie mistakes
Countless other things I’m certain to have forgotten

4/17/10 The Postpartum Chronicles: Day 19

Day 19 (4/6/10 - If I don’t start doing this, I’m going to get really confused).

Morrison wore an outfit that wasn’t pink today :) I checked my stitches today because things were really itchy. Turns out there are interior stitches too, which i can see. The hole’s still there and i can see the thread (Mom said I can’t post what I told her it looked like, haha). That and healing has to be why it itches. Ugg. I still have stretch marks (i’m assuming permanently) on my boobs and butt but all of it’s still bathing suit hideable. Yep, hideable. Still having to use head and shoulders and the skin on my face and neck looks like puberty has hit again. My knuckles aren’t nearly as dry as they were and I weigh 138.4. I gained a pound (or two) since morning. oops!

At 10pm we had to enlist the help of that molly for poop. Mo’d been grunting and uncomfortable and making her poop face (yep! she’s got one!) but nothing had been happening. Not even gas. Finally, during the new 16 and pregnant (so we didn’t see the middle or end) she started to push out a playdoh poop. It was so hard that it kept breaking off. That poor little angel’s butt. We looked in her pediatrician’s book and it said if she had hard poop to call them. She finally worked that poop out (it took quite some time). I can’t imagine how uncomfortable she must be.

4/5/10 The Postpartum Chronicles: Day 18

So on the way to Walmart this morning (re: formula run) I was thinking that I had forgotten to talk about one of the perks of no longer being pregnant: Being alone. (or maybe I did tell you and forgot. Either way, here it goes (again?)) I know she couldn’t read my thoughts while she was in utero, but while you’re pregnant, you’re never really alone. Everything you do, everything you say, everywhere you go. It’s like the police song. Just less creepy. Anywho, afterward, when you go to lunch with your husband or baby daddy or whatever you have, it actually feels like a date. :) I like dates. And rest assured it’s not a “lonely” alone. It’s a good kind of alone. Like peace. Like, “huh. check that out,” aloneness. :) Of course, then you get that whole other type of worry with the baby outside of you. Before you pretty much knew where they were and what they were doing and you can feel every time they move. Now, you’re trying to decipher baby sounds like a windtalker. Does that mean food or diapee? Now instead of phantom rings, there are phantom cries.

Yes, I’m a grown woman and we say diapee. We also say paci, poopie, doo doo and pee pee.

I also noticed I use "we" a lot. I don't know if I mean her and me, him and her and me, mom and me or just my baby weight and me?
Welcome to my life.

4/5/10 - The Postpartum Chronicles: Days 16-17

Day 16
Here’s how we’re doing on day 16:

Morrison: She Pooped yesterday (picture posted!) and we were so excited that I put it on the internet with a thank you note. (“We” might be a little crowded. “I” was excited. lol) And from the notes, it looks like she pooped early this AM too! Way to go, Mo! She’s doing the 1tsp flax oil per day and the gas drops. We never had any luck with the gas drops early on, BUT we’re willing to give them a second go round and have just been putting them in each bottle just in case they do work. lol

Her scabs from the hospital bracelet are still there, but clearing up. Her belly button’s gone, but we’re still alcohol-ing the little bit of scab that’s left there. Once I get the wii fit plus, i’ll be able to tell you how much she weighs :) but she still seems to be growing (our next appt is April 22). She had her first tub bath last night and liked it (or at least didn’t hate it). And we started infant massage last night and she didn’t hate that either. There are many benefits to infant massage. :) You should google it. Anywho, I think we’ll start doing that every night because she slept really well after it.

That woombie that babe’s work gave us is a dream! I’m usually opposed to swaddling because I don’t like that their arms aren’t free if they need them, but I’ll tell you what: As soon as we zipped her up and buttoned her in, she was out. And she looks like a caterpillar in it. (His work is so awesome).

Her little finger nails still look infected on the sides, but it’s not terribly concerning at this point.

She officially has eye lids. For a while she didn’t really have folds for eye lids. It just kind of looked like she had lashes coming out of no where (about 5 lashes per eye, lol). NOW she’s got lids for eyeshadow! and maybe 30?! lashes per eye! Way to work it, girl!

Me: My postpartum eczema is still around, but is less intense. I don’t think my knuckles have bled in a few days! Significant improvement! It still feels like i might be able to sand some table corners though.

I’m still leaking, but we’ve decreased from “overnights” to “super.” Super. lol Technically my hemorrhoid is STILL there, but less. Who knew it’d take so freaking long to get rid of those?! It’s not irritating though. It hasn’t been since I had her. Definitely a pressure thing. I shaved my legs! (well from the calf down, lol) which I hadn’t done since.. Fall?

I stopped breastfeeding/pumping. It’s made a world of difference in my mood. No more wondering how much I’ll make and if it’ll be enough. No more hiding in the baby’s room pumping (or sitting on the couch and pumping - depending on who’s at the house) while everyone else gets to love on her. I’ll take the pain of not breastfeeding over being unhappy any day. Yes, there’s pain. Like the insides of your boobs have been replaced with billiard balls. Did you know I could drink if i wanted to? I didn’t even get to use those alcohol test strips! I can also eat when I’m hungry and not when I’m not! It’s liberating!

I get about 7 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Sometimes 2 and 5. Sometimes 3 and 4. Sometimes less. Since yesterday I’ve had a headache which I assume is from lack of sleep or hormones.

I weigh 136.6 today (although it fluctuates about 2-3 pounds during the day) and I’ll try to get the post-mo-tum picture up today so you can see. Most of the weight that I notice is on my belly (obviously), my thighs and my hips. My thighs and hips don’t even let my waist get to TRY to fit into my old pants. lol. That’s why we got the new pair.

I haven’t looked at my tear lately, so I’m not sure how that’s doing. I’m trying to keep myself away from it so I don’t worry about it so much.

Day 17: Easter
So during the first shift (which begins anywhere between 10-11:30 and ends when I give up) she decided to eat off an on from 10-1am. Normally, she’ll eat, sleep then wake up an eat. This time it was eat, doze, eat, doze, eat, doze, eat. When I finally got her asleep and put into bed I turned the vibrations on. Success! I finally got to lay down for sleep. I’m a terrible sleeper, as you already know, so when the 30 minute vibration turned off, I hesitated to see if she would stay asleep. She started stirring so I was on that button with a quickness. And nothing.

It stopped working. I pushed and pushed and pushed and she started squirming and squeaking and I pushed the music button and that worked. I pressed vibrations again and nothing. Light worked. Second light worked. No vibration. And then she woke up.

If the war on terror was against the people who made the faulty vibrations button, I’d support it. And that brings us to! my “cry number 5”. lol Not long after, I woke Jim up. He says she went to sleep about ten minutes after he relieved me. I assume that it works this way every time I end the first shift. I’m not bitter or anything.

BUT I slept for 7 hours :) and woke up withOUT a headache (the first time in 3 days). Happy Easter to me! Although short term, sleep is always a good gift idea :)

Auntie Linda and Uncle Tucker came to see Morrison today! She had on her bunny feet outfit (thanks to the mother (and current host) of Ian Foster Carter!). She effectively slept ALL day. Crap.

Mom went to take a nap at 7pm in preparation for the dreaded First Shift. Upon making a bottle around 9pm, I noticed that we needed more formula. There was no way we were going to make it through the night with what was left. Steve babysat Mo so that I could make a mad dash to Walmart at 11pm (yay for 24 hour walmarts!) JUST to realize that during their renovation, they have actual store hours. They close at 10pm now. No soup for you.

That brings us to: Rookie Mistake #2 - Running out of formula. Mom managed to hold her off until I could make the trip when they opened. I suggest you buy the cans in twos. Just in case.

4/2/10 - The Postpartum Chronicles: Bad Night"

Bad Night

So last night, guess who was wide awake from 10pm - 1am? After I got her to sleep, she got VERY uncomfortable and cried a lot. Even holding her, she’d only doze off for half a minute and then wake up looking terrified, jolt her arms and legs out, and scream again. Since yesterday, her feedings have started taking much longer. She’ll eat and then stiff lip us and go to sleep in your arms. She’ll even close her little gums so you can’t get the nipple past them. So then she sleeps and wakes up and is hungry again. Ultimately she’s taking in roughly the same amount (anywhere between 1oz and 3.25oz; with the average being 2.19585 in the last 36 hours. Yes. I did the math. Math is very concrete. Babies are not. So, surprisingly, math is comforting.) The tricky part is that it can take anywhere between 25 minutes to an hour and a half to get that much down. Then she’s hungry again about 2 hours from the starting time.

Now, we’re exclusively formula - I made the executive decision yesterday evening that it’s better for her if I’m not feeling bad about myself and my inconsistent milk production levels. (And I bought myself a sympathy oil of olay skin care regimen and a pair of non-maternity jeans (which make me feel good even IF they are a size 9...)) She gets the gentlelease which has 80% less lactose in it, but it does have iron. I was taking prenatal vitamins while breast feeding, so I assume she got some iron that way too and I’m not really sure if it’s the iron that makes her not poop. When she does poop, it’s not hard (consistency) but we have had a couple green poops (Google says this means: it could be iron, a lactose intolerance or just normal. That’s the must frustrating part. There are no real answers for ANYTHING!)

Anywho, in the last day she has pooped once every 12 hours. She only got the last poop out because mom did the Vaseline/q-tip stimulation. Otherwise, she’s just doing all the tell tale signs of trying to poop but not pooping. Grunting, crying, squishing her legs up to her chest. I was able to continue the shift of holding her, putting her down, holding her, feeding her, putting her down, etc until about 4am. At that point, I was exhausted and I got relief. Then relief got relief at 7am. And then I got up at 8. Anywho, will you tell me again what you did for gas and pooping? And are these things you did for a newborn?

4/1/10 "The Postpartum Chronicles: Days 13-14"

Days 13-14
On day 13, Morrison slept from 12:30 - 4:30am. It was like a dream! I didn’t have to wake anybody up to take a shift and I felt like a “real” mom. Even after 14 days now, it still feels pretty surreal. It’s like she’s been here for a long time, but like she hasn’t been here that long. Fast and slow at the same time. However, that could be the reduced sleep talking. lol She’s doing really well. She fusses a lot because of gas and pooping. She DID poop 4x yesterday which is the most she’d ever pooped in a day (and the minimum amount she should be going. I read that some babies poop after every feeding. Morrison’s not that lucky. She works really hard for hers and gets uncomfortable quite often). We try to sleep her on her sides during the day (when people are watching - babies should sleep on their back until they’re out of the SIDS window) to keep her head from getting flat. She’s losing some hair, but she’s still got the bulk of it (which made the doctor happy - he loves her hair). And when we question whether or not she’s still breathing (like when she’s sleeping really peacefully) we just grab her hand and pull it. She pulls it back and that’s how we know she’s okay. lol. We check breathing a lot around here. (I told you I’m a SIDS freak, right? - blankets are only okay on the feet at night because she can’t get her feet to her head yet. She can have blankets during the day when people are around. She’s got the positioner to keep her on her back at night, and no one is allowed to fall asleep while holding her. Any picture you see where someone’s eyes might look closed while she’s on their chest is just their eye angle to the tv. I’m the only one who’s fallen asleep while holding her and i woke up terrified once I realized what I’d done. I was desperate on night #2 to get her to sleep, but that’s no excuse. Luckily, we lived through that one. Sounds dramatic, i know. It is. I am. lol)

As for me, I’ve still got that extra hole from the stitches. I googled it and it can take 2-3 weeks for a second degree tear to heal. Apparently, 1st degree is just skin and second degree is muscle too. Yowza. So, i’m going to wait until week 3 and give the thing some more time to heal before I call the OB/GYN to have another look-see. My hands are still dry as all get out. Trying to put on my smoking jacket (yes, we have jackets for smoking that are removed upon return inside - we’re very aware of 3rd-hand smoke) is like trying to maneuver sandpaper through a felt tunnel. It’ll be neat when that’s gone, although it’s much more unsightly than uncomfortable. I wash my hands a lot and we’ve got sanitizer coming out of our ears. Even the aquaphor that Tia left for me can’t compete with this level of hand washing. I weigh 138.2, which means I’ve lost 20 lbs. That can mean that the additional 22 I gained is mine to lose. oof! Luckily, I earned money from labor ($11 per hour!) and Jim’s work gave us a gift card which allows me to get the reeboks and wii fit :) Now, I just have to FIND the reeboks and the wii fit. lol

Breastfeeding (or bottle feeding breastmilk) is on a drop. I forgot to take the fenugreek yesterday and was only able to get 2oz total during the last pumping. A day after starting the fenugreek, i was able to get 4oz out of each side. That frustrated me last night, and then she was fussing because she was uncomfortable so we had to have an intervention and get mom up. If you ever find yourself telling a baby to stop crying, you should walk away. We’ll have to make That Molly a sign that says “Thanks for keeping my mom from shaking me! :)” In all seriousness, though, sometimes it’s REALLY frustrating. Especially at night. During the day, everything seems do-able. (Well, except yesterday when I had to wake That Molly up from her nap so that I could nap. Caffeine crash?)

And remember during pregnancy when i talked about pregnancy paranoia and how it’d probably turn into postpartum paranoia? it does. Practicing getting rid of it during pregnancy (changing my thoughts/stopping them, i mean) helped prepare for now. Like if I’m holding her, i can see me dropping her. But not just dropping her, her hitting her head on the corner of the table on the way down. Or spilling coffee on her. Or lola eating her face. All sorts of things. Very morbid things. And I don’t think these are abnormal. It’s like when you drive over a bridge and although you’d never actually drive off (or at least I wouldn’t) you still know that all you have to do is pull the wheel really quickly. That’s the problem with being a creative person in the first place. Imagination is not always a great thing. Heck, it’s why i’m afraid of outside at night and how i can still spook myself into thinking someone’s after me and I have to get into the door as fast as possible. Anywho, the paranoia is the same reason I don’t like handguns. There’s a risk. Move your wrist and you can shoot yourself in the face. There’s too much risk in parenting too. It’ll either get better or it won’t. Either way, it’s not too terrible of a deal yet.

And she made me cry again. This is the 4th time. It was about the reduced milk production. Mom says I have a picture in my head of how I wanted things to go. I’m rational enough to know that there’s not a thing in the world wrong with formula feeding a baby. However, I did want to be a breastfeeder. I know that NOT breastfeeding does not make me less of a mom. But it hurt my feelings regardless and I cried about it. Not bad if you look at the cry/time ratio. 4x in two weeks postpartum? I cried more times during Titanic.

3/30/10 "The Postpartum Chronicles: Day 12"

Well we had a full day! We got up, got everything together, and made it to a doctor's appointment ON TIME. There should be medals for that. The doctor says she's 6.15 pounds which is 7 ounces more than she was last week. He's very impressed with this and commended me :) wee! When she was naked though she peed and stopped and we got her on the scale where she released a good bit of the rest, then we got her off the scale and she proceeded to continue to pee (I've never actually seen her pee. I've seen her poop, but just not pee) on the blanket Tia got her. lol. oops! At least we remembered to take a blanket (actually 2) this time. What we DID forget to bring was another change of clothes. We failed to plan for the inevitable. lol. No worries, we didn't need them :)

So, then the answer to every question I had was, "She's gaining weight, so it's not a problem." Pooping only 2x per day? She's gaining weight, so it's not a problem. Gagging, and throw up? Not a problem if it's not consistent. For the other questions the answers were, "Since her belly button's gone, she can have a tub bath. I think soaking in the water will do her some good" (Q: fingernail/cuticle infection), and "That's a lot of work for a little bit of milk." (Q: Formula choice suggestions?)

He's the only pediatrician I've ever encountered who thinks it's more trouble than it's worth (for ME, specifically) to breastfeed. He's concerned with my sleep (although I DID wear concealer!) and although supports my decision to continue trying to get SOME milk into the mix by going half and half, thinks that me having to take something to do it is a lot of trouble. I don't think it's any trouble. I really want her to have the benefits of it. Even if she only gets half the benefits. I hope she gets the good half!

Then we went on our 1st! Major Outing! (It's technically the second major outing, but I really don't feel like putting "You went to the verizon store so mommy could get a droid" in her baby book. Sooo, "You went to see Daddy at his work today!" She pooped while we were there. I changed her on the conference room table. Apparently, not that I was looking because i was changing a diaper, the look on babe's face when i slapped that crappy diaper down on the conference table was that of sheer disgust and awe. LOL Apparently people eat there. Like everyday.

Meh, just clorox wipe it. ha!

Then, daddy took us to Friday's! We left home at 10:30am. We got home at 3:45pm. I thought I might die from exhaustion. I pumped again (2oz from each breast! Could it be the fenugreek?!) and had a nap. That Molly (my mom) is the BEST. I hope Morrison says that about me some day :D